Lines I've had to move

When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me "don't pound stakes you are not willing to pull up."  Translation: don't take stands, you might change your mind on some things.  Like -- I used to say I would never, NEVER clean my kids noses with just my fingers like my sister did.  Guess what -- when you have a snotty nosed kid and you have nothing else, you do it.  You might gag, but you do it.

When I finally accepted the fact that Matt was gay and was going to choose that lifestyle, I put down quite a few lines that I would not cross -- no matter what.

I was not ever going to meet his partner.  I didn't even want to know his name.  As a matter of fact, I de-friended Matt because I didn't want to even see a picture of him.  After a difficult summer, I went to do some counseling and my therapist asked me why I hadn't met Matt's partner.  I didn't have a good reason.  If I were being completely honest, every fiber of "mommy" being wanted to meet this person that was so important in my son's life.  I called Matt and asked him if he and Trent could go to brunch with me.  Matt was so happy and touched that I wanted to meet Trent.  I realized that if I wanted to have Matt be in my life, I could not ask him to cut out someone so important to be with me.

I was very nervous to meet Trent.  I loved him.  He is a great kid.  Very sweet and funny and most importantly, I could see how happy Matt was with him.  One line moved.

The next part of that line was that I would not have Matt's partner be a part of family activities.  After meeting Trent, I could see him at our house and enjoying family time with us.  I didn't necessarily see Marty enjoying that time, but I knew the kids would like Trent -- I don't know how you could not like him.  He spent Christmas evening with us after going home for Christmas and we had so much fun playing games and singing with the Glee Karioki sp/? and it was really good.  Even Marty started to melt a little.

Then when I was in the hospital in January, Trent was there with Matt.  Marty came around a corner and saw them laughing and talking and how comfortable Matt was with him and Marty decided then and there he could accept Trent.  I appreciated the fact that he would come to the hospital and spend time with me when I was so miserable.  Another line moved.

Do I regret these moves?  Absolutely not!  I regret my ignorance about this situation and the time we wasted and the angst we caused Matt.

There is no one else in my life besides Trent that tells me I look "FABULOUS."  I can see him and feel really good about myself.  Everyone should have a gay man in their life to tell them how fabulous they are.  Love you Trent.  Love you most of all, Matt!