In-laws

I have been married almost 29 years.  I could not have married into a family more different than mine  if I tried.  First of all, Marty's parents were divorced (a situation unheard of in my family to that  point) and his mom was living with Don, I think about 15 or more years, his sister was living with her boyfriend and they are not members of my church, so they enjoy a drink now and then.  His mormon grandparents just flat out didn't like me.

His family really, really, really did not want us to get married.  We were too young, too broke, too stupid, too different, etc.  When they saw that it was going to happen, to their credit, they supported us and attended everything.  I don't think anyone thought we would make it.

Marty's Grandma Grace told him to keep me off his bank accounts the night before we got married.  I remember feeling pretty ticked off about that considering he was driving my brand new car around because he didn't have one.

To top it all off, we had a baby within the first year we got married, so we were 21 and 22 years old and parents.  Again, to their credit, they fell in love with Andrea and properly spoiled her -- big time!  With each baby, my mother-in-law would state her dismay and displeasure with our choices, but dearly loved each of our kids.  With Nic, we didn't tell them I was pregnant until I was almost 7 months along and only then because our niece was coming for the summer and we had to tell them.

To further put distance between us, Marty worked very hard to let me stay home and we spent a lot of years broke.  We always figured our kids were our riches.  Also, we have stayed very active in our church and made decisions according to our faith.

I use to try to make myself into someone that they could like.  I was never accepted completely by his family.  Don, from the beginning, always made me feel loved and accepted, but he was the only one.  I remember one time, they took family pictures and I was really heavy at the time and I noticed that they never used them at all.  At family events, I tried to stay out of pictures, it was just easier.

Finally, about ten years ago, I realized that I didn't need their approval or even their love.  I will never call my mother-in-law mom, it just doesn't fit.  Once I decided this, I was able to relax and enjoy myself when we were with them.  I could be myself and say what I wanted to say instead of what I thought they would want me to say.

I really don't want this to sound negative.  It really is not.  Marty and I have chosen to take a completely different path than his family and that is okay.  I guess that is why I am sharing these thoughts.  It was very freeing for me once I realized that they didn't "have" to love me or accept me.  Marty loves me and that is all that matters.  Its been nice to find my own voice and share it and consequences be da@$!%.

I have a lot of respect for his mom.  She had a very difficult life as a single parent of two young children with no help from their dad.  She moved up in her profession because of her intelligence and work ethic. She instilled that same work ethic in Marty and I appreciate that.  I believe that I have been a good wife and mother and I decided that was the best way to show love and respect to my in-laws.