Reflections of a 50 year old

I decided to reflect on the past five decades in the month of my 50th birthday.

I was born in 1962 but I don't remember much of the 1960's.  I do remember watching the moon landing and Robert Kennedy's funeral.  I started school in the '60's.  I remember going to the tennis courts with my sisters to watch them play and be the ball girl.  I would wait until a miss and then ask "do I get the ball?" and they would say, "yeah, Lis."  Their friends all called me "yeah Lis."  I got to play the dummy hand in Rook all the time.  I would sometimes round the table and look at their hands and say, "hey, hey hey!" if they had a rook.  I also remember my brother getting me to say "I ain't no lady!" in a crazy voice.  I know that I had good friends named Merry, Trudy and Kim.  I have stayed friends with Kim my entire life.  As a matter of fact, she is coming to Utah this next week and we are going to see each other after probably 15 or 16 years.  Another memory I have is of a dairy owned by the Hernandez family.  They had a purple cow out in front of it.  I loved going there and they would let me ring things up for them.  It was always so fun.  In that decade, our family was involved in building the church building on Ross Avenue and I remember the old one and helping clean it out to move into the new building.  In the 1970's Elder Bruce R. McConkie came to dedicate the new building.  They don't do that anymore.

The 1970's were my decade.  I remember doing the Presidential Award contest each year and earning that top award.  I played softball for the first time in the 4th or 5th grade and we were the Roadrunners and had white shirts, pink shorts and pink socks.  I loved going to Dairy Queen after a win.  We had a lot of those because we  had a very good team.  I played softball through my senior year.  I would go to the tennis courts with my brother, David, and play in the early 70's.  He had much faith in my tennis ability.  I did play a couple of years in high school.  Our church always had a barbecue every year and I would practice in the mirror how to sell tickets to my neighbors.  It wasn't hard to sell tickets because the food was amazing and there were always things to buy at the bazaar, liked baked goods and homemade items.  My mom was famous for her homemade bread.  Monday afternoons were my favorite day to come home because that was her bread making day and she always had a slice waiting for us.  I went to Washington D.C. with my MGM (Mentally Gifted Minors) class (so politically incorrect nowadays, but my brothers and sisters called it Mothers Greatest Mistake).  LOL!  I got sick and missed seeing Arlington National Cemetary (which I had written a research report about) and Washington Cathedral.  Had a huge crush on a guy named Manual Aguilar from the 7th grade through my Jr. year when I finally met him in person at his little sister's 15th birthday party and well, misbehaved a little with him.  Let's just say, I lived out my dreams that night (which all in all, were pretty innocent).  I went to Girls' Camp, Youth Conferences and Priest Laurel Conferences.  I remember Kim and I and a couple of other kids were in charge of a Priest Laurel Conference that was held at IVC our Senior year?  So fun.  I was Mary Poppins in the Suisin County Summer Play the summer between my 7th and 8th grade years.  That was an amazing experience.  Loved my high school years -- they were great!  Good Friends, lots of fun and great memories.  My kids are always so surprised to hear that I graduated high school in 1980.  It throws them off because I tell them I grew up in the 1970's -- with Disco and shiny clothes and the Commodores, Earth Wind & Fire, Lynard Skynard, Led Zeplin, Heart, Abba.  Oh I could go on.  They completely didn't believe that I was in the rock band for the school.  Yep, I sang pop, jazz, country, rock it was a blast.

The 1980's, I graduated high school and I left El Centro a week after graduation to go to BYU.  My parents sold their home in El Centro and moved to Ogden, Utah.  I think I have always regretted not being able to "go home" to El Centro.  I dream about it often and Marty and I are always buying our old house there.  I met Marty June 9, 1982 and we got married February 11, 1983.  We had Andrea February 5, 1984.  Marty went into the Army and was away in New Jersey, San Antonio and Colorado from September 1985 to April 1986.  We had Matt May 1, 1986.  We bought and built our first home in 1988.

In December of 1990, Marty was called up during Desert Storm to Germany and returned home in April, 1991.  We had Rachael on June 3, 1991.  Yep, he missed two of my pregnancies.  We were busy raising our kids in the '90's and completed our family with Nic on August 2, 1995.  Marty changed jobs in 1998 and went into medical sales.  I worked throughout the 1980's and 1990's but after Nic, I got a job that let me work from home and take the kids with me running a recreation program as the girls' director.  It was fun.

Farmington and Marty has gone back to scrubbing in the OR after leaving sales in 2010.  Andrea is married and living her life.  Matt is settled in with his partner, Trent, and they are living a good life.  Rachael is in Paul Mitchell the School becoming a stylist and Nic is a sophomore in high school.  The last five years have not been fun, but we have learned and grown from our experiences.

I have seen a lot in my life.  My parents are both gone and three of kids are grown.  Marty and I are looking forward to lots of fun with Nic and hopefully, lots of missions when we are older.  Life is good. Its not easy, but it is all worth it.

Follow up

A better title for this would have been "Dreams Changed."  I am always brutally honest in my writings and this one hit my son, Matt, a little hard.  We had a long talk and he understands me a little better and I understand what he is saying, as well.

One thing I didn't make as clear as I should have is that I do love Trent.  Whenever I am with him, he makes me smile.  He makes my son very happy and I see it.  As hard as this has been for Marty, he really appreciates Trent for this, as well.  He talks about when they are together, you see that they are very happy and while he still struggles, he is growing to love Trent, too.

My intention with the previous post is to put the truth out there that this is a hard thing, but we have learned and adjusted and appreciate what we are as a family now and that includes Trent.  My intention is to let people know that as an LDS parent of a gay child, you can love your child and love who is in his life and still maintain your beliefs.  You do not have to throw the child out to prove you are a worthy member of the LDS Church nor do you have to abandon your beliefs to love your child.  That is exactly opposite of what our Heavenly Father and the Savior would want and the leadership of the Church does NOT want families to disintegrate over this issue.

My dreams are different for Matt now and I will not apologize for saying so, but I do have dreams for him and Trent and they are hopeful.

Dreams Removed

Saturday night Marty and I attended a reception for one of Matt's very good friends, Conrad.  Early in the day, a lot of Matt's friends were at the wedding in the temple, but Matt was not there.  He was thought of and missed.

I haven't even shared this with Matt because I know he doesn't want me to hurt, but again, writing helps me sort through my feelings.  Matt was up visiting during the day and I knew he was nervous about attending this reception because it would be the first time he has been with a lot of those high school friends since "coming out."  I love Matt's friends and, especially Conrad.  He will always be special to me because he took the time to visit me when Matt was on his mission and it was like hugging Matt when  I missed him so much.  Marty and I wanted to attend the reception and be with Matt with our heads up and proud to be his parents and support him and Trent.

We saw his good friend, Mariti (sp?) and her husband first and it was great.  Matt and Trent drove into the parking lot and she went out to get Matt and walk in with him.  We had blast getting to hang out with the youngins.  We went through the line and Conrad and his bride looked so fresh and happy!  I turned back to look at Matt as he greeted them and introduced Trent as his partner.  That moment is frozen in my mind realizing that a dream that I had for Matt of standing in line with his beautiful bride fresh from a temple marriage was exploding right before my eyes.

I know he didn't feel the same way then, but anyone who believes that he would "choose" that moment over what his good friend was experiencing does not understand.  Matthew had the same dream I had for most of his life and he worked very hard doing everything he was "supposed to do" until he reached the point of involving someone else in the decision that he might hurt and it was at then he "chose" his path.  The angst that he felt cannot be measured and it hurts my heart that my child has that pain.

My dreams for him are different now.  I know that he is happy in his life and that he loves Trent.  For now, I am content and ever hopeful.