9 -- WE HAVE RENOUNCED DISHONESTY

9 -- We Have Renounced Dishonesty

Trust.  "Addiction thrives in secrecy, and deceit is its lifeblood."  (Spouse & Family Support Guide).  Our loved ones have lied to us, deceived us, and minimized their behavior so we no longer trust them.  When you have lost that trust, it is difficult to not be afraid and worried about our loved one's behavior when we are not around.  Distrust creates barriers in our relationship and communication.  We find ourselves trying to monitor our loved one's behavior.  We may not be able to trust our loved ones, but we can trust the Lord and His protection.  Nephi declared, "O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever."  (2 Nephi 4:34).  How will trusting the Lord help you when you struggle to trust your loved one?

The first thing I had to do after finding Marty's addiction was to learn to trust in the Lord again.  I had prayed to know if I should marry Marty and I was given a positive answer.  After "discovery," I was angry toward the Lord!  I wanted to know why I was told to marry him when this was a problem.  It took time, but I did learn to trust Him again.  

Ann told us she realized she had to do the things she was supposed to do and she know the Lord would take care of her.  She did say it was hard not to fall back into her fear, which would trigger distrust all over again.

LaNae gave simple advise -- Stay close to the Spirit.

Becca stated her biggest question was HOW could she trust again.  She thought about Peter when he walked on the water during the storm, he was fine until he took his focus off of the Savior.  That is when he got into trouble and it was the same for her.

Jillian talked about learning to trust herself.  How did she not see this problem?  When she did, why didn't she leave?  How did it start all over again?

Being Honest With Ourselves and Our Loved Ones.  Finding out about this addiction can cause shock and alarm.  You ask yourself how long has he deceived me?  What else don't I know?  Our loved ones are embarrassed and ashamed and may only share a little at a time.  It is important for our loved ones to be honest and accountable, full disclosure is a process, "especially where patterns of secrecy and deceit have been in place for long periods of time."  (S&FSG).

We may not want to know or are not ready to know all the secret and terrible things our loved ones have done.  We may need to know the facts, but all things should be done "in wisdom and order."  (Mosiah 4:27).  We need to balance the things we need to know and what might further harm us.  We may find out things that will hurt us or make us angry, but we should not react in anger or try to shame them.  Disclosure is part of recovery and healing, and our loved ones may already be ashamed and hate themselves, which needs to be addressed to continue healing.  What level of honesty might you need in order to build a foundation of trust?  How will you come to recognize what is important to know and what should be left unsaid?

Valerie talked about this being a trial and error experience and when she did make a mistake, she was grateful the Atonement applied to her, as well as her loved one.

Cheryl talked about needing to know enough to forgive and not to be surprised as things continued to be produced.  She likened it to her husband unloading boulders at first and as he became more sensitized and the layers of dishonesty were being stripped away, he started unloading rocks.  She needed the boulder and rocks, but she did not need to turn over every pebble.  One other thing they did was to add up all the dollars that were spent in his addiction.  It helped her husband to see just how much it had cost him, their family, and their business in real numbers.  Afterwards, they burned the bank and credit card statements.

Maintaining Regular Communication.  Our loved ones may not want to communicate at first about their struggles and we may not want to share with them due to lack of trust.  It can be hard, but you can find ways to communicate, especially about your journey toward healing and recovery.  It is important for our loved ones to communicate about times they are tempted or have relapsed.  Elder Richard G. Scott said, "A husband must have no private, hidden agenda that is kept secret from his wife.  Sharing everything about each other's personal life is powerful spiritual insurance."  ("The Sanctity of Womanhood," Ensign, May 2000).  

We need to find the right balance of what we need to know and what should be left unsaid.  "Open and honest communication is the beginning of rebuilding trust."  (S&FSG).  How has regular, open, and honest communication blessed your relationship with your loved one?  In what specific ways can you and your loved one improve your communication?

"The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard."  (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, Ensign, May, 1976).  

"Patience in communication is that certain ingredient of conduct we hope others exhibit when we fail to measure up." (ibid).

"Be patient, be sober; be temperate; have patience, faith, hope and charity."  (D&C 6:19).

Cheryl shared when she found out about all the secrecy in her marriage, she felt so isolated.  As they worked on their communication, she realized her husband needed to be able to trust her, as well.

I love the advise of balancing what needs to be shared.  I didn't want to know details, initially.  I had to work through my anger and my feelings of betrayal before I was healthy enough to hear some of the details.

Rebuilding Trust.  Our loved ones need to regain the ability to be honest and trustworthy.  We may hear them saying the right things, but observing what they are doing is even more important.  Our loved ones may not choose what needs to be done to recover and may fall back into the addiction.  In that case, we do not have to extend our trust to them.

Our trust can grow when we see our loved ones drawing nearer to the Spirit and their consistent progress toward recovery.  "As they are honest with us about their hard times, we can also begin to believe that they are being honest about their good times."  (S&FSG).  We need to rely on the Spirit to know when we can begin to trust.  This may take time.  Our fear and anger may prevent us from extending trust.  We can seek His comfort and support as we heal.  What role does the enabling power of the Atonement play in rebuilding trust?  What are some next steps for you to take in the process of rebuilding trust?

Becca said she was blessed to regain trust fairly quickly.  However, when she allowed fear and anger to come back into her life, she would lose ground.  She really relied on the Spirit to help her discern truth.

Cheryl commented she learned it is not a sin to be tempted.  She also learned our Heavenly Father and the Savior are really the only ones we can completely trust.  The natural man has the ability to hurt us with deceit and lies.  The enabling power of the Atonement helps our loved ones to bring honesty back into their lives.

About two years after recovery, Marty was still traveling quite a bit and for some reason, I freaked out about this one trip.  For several years, I felt as if there was a giant shoe out there that was going to drop and I guess I was afraid this trip would do it.  We have always had a partnership with our Bishop and I went to express my concerns.  He told me, "Lisa, leave Marty to me and the Lord.  Don't worry about him, we will do that.  I want you to take these concerns and while you kneel in prayer, envision taking them and placing them at the feet of your Savior.  Ask Him to take this from you and He will, I promise."  I stand as a witness that He has -- over and over again.  I have not had to do this just once but many times as I become prideful and take it all back, but each time, the Savior is there to relieve me of this burden.

One other thing I had to learn was to not react with anger and judgment when Marty came to me to share he was having difficulty.  I wanted him to trust me so that we could discover triggers for him and things we could do differently.

Sharing.  Cheryl talks about this destructive dance, sort of a cold war she was in with her husband for years.  He was hurt by her, she was hurt by him.  Her heart would harden against him and they would engage again.  She learned to let the Spirit guide her and those experiences are fewer and farther between, until almost completely gone after 10 years.  She also said this experience has let her "get deep" with the Savior.

Job 6:25 says "Forcible are right words" shared at the right moment with the right person.

A little trick I heard in a Sunday School class to help not react with anger is to say "I love you" in my mind before I react.  You would be surprised how much that can help in almost any situation.

Once again, through this principle, I have learned that the Atonement is all encompassing.  Through letting the Atonement work for me, I have healed and I have learned to trust my husband again.  In letting the Atonement work him, he has healed from this addiction.  Of this, I bear my testimony.

8 -- BE FIRM AND STEADFAST

8 -- Be Firm and Steadfast

We Can Set Appropriate Limits to Protect Ourselves and Our Families.  This is a difficult process because we want to support our loved ones and we wonder will setting boundaries or limits seem supportive or destructive?  God's example is to support our loved ones while honoring God's laws and the laws of the land.  Elder Russel M. Nelson states, "real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation -- not acquiescence!  Real love does not support self-destructing behavior."  ("Teach Us Tolerance and Love," Ensign, May 1994).  We have a responsibility to set limits, make rules and hold family members accountable for their choices.  Not to control, but to help our loved ones stay safe.  "Establishing clear limits and consequences may be necessary in order to help our loved ones find recovery and healing."  (Spouse & Family Support Guide).  So, how can you set limits and also show love?  How can limits or consequences help a loved one find recovery and healing?

Melissa had a great example of having to set limits initially on what was appropriate to watch on television because her loved one was so desensitized he did not have the ability to set those limits.  We know that a remark can lead to a thought which can lead to an image and then . . . .  As her husband healed and the Spirit was with him, he was able to join in those limits that needed to be set.

As women, our natural instinct is to protect our loved ones and ease the consequences of their choices.  When we do interfere, we are taking their agency.  Our loved ones need to feel the consequences of their actions to motivate them to find healing and recovery.

My husband taught me about this particular difference about threats -- if you do that, I am leaving! and consequences -- if you choose to do this, here are the consequences.  When I would threaten him with the idea of leaving or divorce if he relapsed, I was taking his choice away.  When given consequences of a relapse, the choice was now his and he was choosing the consequences by choosing the behavior.

Becca stated when consequences or boundaries were set, it can be a turning point for the addict.

Elder Nelson teaches us the difference between tolerate and tolerance. "Your gracious tolerance for an individual does not grant him or her license to do wrong, nor does your tolerance obligate you to tolerate his or her misdeed."  (Ibid.)

How to Set Limits or Consequences.  "As we consider limits and consequences to set for our family members, we need the Lord's guidance.  There is not one approach that is right for everyone.  The Spirit can help us know what is right for our loved ones and for us."  (S&FSG)  Bringing the Lord into this step of setting limits and/or consequences is key because limits and consequences should be based on the principle of agency and inspired by love, not by anger or punishment.  They should be clear and concrete involving natural results of actions taken.  A great way to start in this particular addiction is to say this home will be free from pornography or "other related negative influences."

Our limits will be challenged so the consequences need to be such that we are willing to carry them out.  "The limits and consequences we set should be done in wisdom, in harmony with the gospel, and with the guidance  of the Holy Spirit."  (ibid.)  We can check with a trusted advisor which can help us evaluate our thinking and can help us be aware if our motive is not based on true and loving principles.  Why might it be hard to set limits?  How can you overcome such difficulties?  How is a parent's role in setting limits different than a spouse's role?

These questions are so common!  I asked myself these questions when told that I should set boundaries and limits.  Valerie talks about her journey into limits and boundaries.  She stated when she was doing her "dailies," prayer, read and study her scriptures and invite the spirit into these decisions, she was able to set boundaries on things quite naturally.  By being closer to her Savior, she realized she did not want to tolerate being talked to in a negative way or want any type of pornography or negative influence in her home.  So these boundaries seemed very natural to set so that she could invite the spirit into her home.  Valerie just wanted to feel safe and by inviting the spirit into this conversation she was able to set her boundaries with a spirit of love.

The biggest concern for us as wives is we are not their mothers and we don't want to have to act like their mothers.  Becca cleared this up for me in the clearest way I have ever heard.  She stated when we set limits and boundaries for our children, like don't talk to strangers, don't go into the street, we are doing so for our children's protection.  It is our responsibility as parents to do so.  When she set boundaries or limits for her husband, it was for her own protection.  These were set to help her feel safe.  Finally, an explanation that made sense to me.  I wish I had understood this much earlier in my journey.

Doing What We Can to Preserve the Relationship.  There are times when the pain we feel seems unbearable.  There are times when we feel like the only way we can escape is to separate from our loved ones.  The Church does ask that we work very hard to preserve the family.  We should seek the "Lord's direction and strength to sustain us while we strive to know his will."  (ibid.)  What can we do to show commitment to our relationships while maintaining clear limits?

Cheryl said that she wanted honesty.  When she discovered her husband had an addiction to pornography, she felt the previous nine and a half years were a lie.  How many times had he deceived her?  Her trust was so damaged and it was a powerful boundary to require honesty.  As her husband shared with her in an honest way, it started to remove the shame and the power of the addiction.

I don't have much to say about this particular section because it is so personal and sometimes, the happy ending isn't going to happen.

We Need Not Endure Our Loved Ones' Abusive Behavior.  "Abuse is the physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual mistreatment of others.  It may not only harm the body, but it can deeply affect the mind and spirit, destroying faith and causing confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt, and fear."  ("Responding to Abuse:  Helps for Ecclesiastical Leaders" [1995]).  Addiction itself is a form of abuse.  ". . . we know the Lord does not expect or want us to endure abusive behavior.  It is important for us to take necessary steps to be safe and to stop the abuse."  (S&FSG)

Elder Dallin H. Oaks has said, "We know that many of you are innocent victims -- members whose former spouses persistently betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended period.  Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of circumstances worse than divorce.  When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it."  (Divorce," Ensign or Liahona, May 2008).  We may consult Church leaders and others about this decision, "[h]owever, this is a personal decision we make with the Lord's guidance."  (S&FSG).  How can you appropriately respond to a loved one who repeatedly fails to respect the limits you set?

I have been in the ARP program for almost 11 years and this is the first time divorce has ever been mentioned as an option.  One of the blessings this has brought to someone who is struggling with a spouse addicted to pornography is if we choose to fight for our marriage, we can be all in.  Before, it felt like maybe you should "endure to the end."  Sometimes when you are "enduring" you are not working to save a marriage.  This is my own personal opinion about this conversation.

Elder Oaks also says in his talk on divorce to "face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce, but repentance."  This is so true in our situation.

There have been women I know who received the answer to leave their marriage for various reasons.  I do not know what they were, I do know, as I said before, sometimes the happy ending is walking away.

Sharing Portion.  Melissa started off by saying she has noticed when her husband is doing well, Satan sets his sites on her and he attacks her through her illness.  This can bring her into a really dark and depressing place.  She has learned to remind herself she has seen light in her life and to remember it is still there.  She chooses to believe the light is there and it helps her back to doing better.

Cheryl talked about how she told her husband early in their marriage that infidelity of any type would be grounds for divorce.  She wouldn't put up with it and it would be very "easy" for her to walk away.  When she found out about this addiction and all it entailed, she had to "pull up that stake" about divorce but it was hard, because she didn't want to appear weak.  She had to let go of the idea of divorce, she realized she could stay and fight for her marriage.  She wanted to fight!  So she is heading in a different direction, but it is the right direction.

In closing, I share with my sisters how amazed I am at their spiritual depth and strength and deep understanding of the Atonement.  I spent a lot of years angry and saying this is NOT MY problem, it is HIS and I don't to pray and study about this, HE does.  It took so much time for me to see this was incorrect thinking and I wasted so much time.

I do watch Marty and there are things he does which give me comfort he is doing well.  I see him praying, studying the scriptures, going to meetings and working the steps.  When those things are in place, I know he is strong.  Those things were one of my boundaries.  Sometimes, I hear wives apologizing for setting limits and boundaries and I think about our Heavenly Father -- He has set limits and boundaries for us -- we are to obey His commandments and honor the covenants we have made with Him through baptism and the Temple.  We are doing nothing more than what Heavenly Father has done for us.  I have learned so much through this difficult experience.  As Dr. Phil says "I wouldn't take a million dollars for the things I have learned, but I wouldn't pay a plug nickel to go through it again."

I bear testimony the Atonement covers all!  Let this Atonement work for you.  It is there for you, reach out and touch it -- use it -- know it!  And remember the scripture that never fails -- Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

7 -- In Everything Give Thanks

If you are curious about how a meeting works, I was involved in the women's meeting for the Spouse and Family Support Group Podcasts, and you can go to ARP.LDS.ORG and select Spouse and Family, select a Principle and then scroll to the bottom and click on Podcast.  Make sure you click on Women's Meeting.  That is the PASG side of this program.

Principle 7 -- In Everything Give Thanks

Overcoming Discouragement, Fear, and Anger.  I love this principle.  We all know that life doesn't turn out exactly the way we plan or even sometimes the way we would like it to be.  Oftentimes, this can lead us to self-criticism and finding fault with others.  The more we focus on negative thoughts and emotions, the stronger they become "until they begin to dominate our thoughts, diminishing our ability to feel the Spirit and find happiness."  (Spouse and Family Support Guide)  One way to counter this is to think about and acknowledge gratitude in the ways we are blessed.  So, how can we acknowledge our difficulties without being consumed by them?

Melissa stated when she is fearful or full of doubt, Satan really takes hold and can really cause her to cycle down.  One of the things she has learned to do is to create affirmations.  One of her affirmations is to sing the hymn "The Lord is my Light," which is all about overcoming fear.  The other is Helaman 5:12: "And now, my [daughter], remember, remember, that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build, they cannot fail."

Another sister, Cheryl said that she would think how she had lived her life righteously and trying to make the right decisions and her husband, as it turned out, had not.  It bred resentment in her towards her Heavenly Father and when you are in that place, you cannot see the blessings you are receiving.  Her thoughts then turned to Jesus Christ, the only perfect man to have walked this Earth, and He was someone who did not deserve all that happened to Him, and yet He endured and it helped her put her experience in perspective.

Becca talked about how a support person was very important to her because you CAN get stuck in the negativity and someone outside yourself can help you see that or offer a listening ear so that you can verbalize those negative thoughts and get rid of them.

It is also important to acknowledge that feeling these ways are valid and important to go through for healing but do not stay stuck in them.

One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Thessalonians 5:18:  "In every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."  The hook in that scripture is EVERY thing.  We need to learn to be grateful for the valleys, as well as the peaks.  As someone who struggles with depression, this seemed laughable; however, I have tried it a few times, and it seems to help me move through those feelings.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf counsels, "It is easy to be grateful for things when life seems to be going our way.  But what then of those times when what we wish for seems to be far out of reach?

"Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situations? . . . we focus on being thankful in our circumstances -- whatever they may be."  ("Grateful in Any Circumstance," Ensign or Liahona, May 2014, 70, 75-77).

Acknowledging the Hand of God  in our Lives.  It can be a struggle to see our blessings amid our challenges.  President Henry B. Eyring counsels:  "The key . . . is receiving the Holy Ghost as a companion.  It is the Holy Ghost who helps us see what God has done for us.  It is the Holy Ghost who can help [us] see what God has done. . . . Tonight and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions:  Did God send a message that was just for me?  Did I  see His hand in my life or the lives of my children?  I will do that.  And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need him."  ("O, Remember, Remember," Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2007, 68).

There are many tender mercies in our lives that may come in ways that are not readily identified, but as we stretch our minds and thoughts to recognize these blessings, we may be able to more readily identify blessings.  Gratitude can change our hearts.  How have you seen the hand of God in your life?  What helps you recognize the hand of God in your life?

President Thomas S. Monson states, "When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings.  However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given.  ("The Divine Gift of Gratitude," Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 87-90).

If you have an attitude of gratitude it can help you develop the ability to see God's hand in your life.

I love this analogy:  You are at a base camp in the mountains and you want to hike to a large boulder higher up.  You have hiked for over an hour and the boulder does not appear to be any closer.  You start to think you aren't making any progress; however, if you will stop where you are and turn around and look back to where your camp is, you can see you have made tremendous progress.  That is how this trial can seem.  You may feel you have not started to heal at all, but if you can look at where you were when it began, you will see the progress you have made.

Marty and I have done presentations to church groups for about 8 years now about this experience.  He shares his story of addiction and recovery and then I share the wife's experience with this addiction.  When we started, my talk was full of the pain and betrayal, my feelings of anger and disappointment in Marty and my marriage.  I have noticed in the last year or so, my desire to share that part of my experience, while necessary, is not the be all end all of my talk.  I shift my thoughts and feelings and experience to the healing part of my life and this new program of principles and hope.

Recognizing our own Gifts and Talents.  We all have some gifts and talents.  Some we are aware of and some yet to be discovered.  President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught, "You may think you don't have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us."  ("Happiness, Your Heritage," Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 119).  It takes time to discover and improve upon those gifts we have received.  What are some of your gifts and talents?  How does your patriarchal blessing help you identify your individual gifts and talents?

Becca wondered how this applied to this experience and she said the last sentence in this section ". . . but all of us have much to contribute through our God-given abilities", made her evaluate and see that is true.  She discovered she had grown and discovered spiritual gifts she had not fine tuned, or even accessed, but through this experience she now recognizes and uses those gifts.

Melissa loves to write.  During her dark times, Satan would convince her she didn't have time to write.  She did write and it felt wonderful to do something that brought her such joy and was hers alone, apart from this addiction.  So she found joy through her talents even through difficult times.

I remember when I discovered this and I was seeing an LDS Family Services Therapist, whom I love and still see occasionally to this day, and I told her I was not going to go through all of this and not have it mean something.  Over ten years ago, we didn't talk about pornography in the Church and I vowed I would help to bring this to the front burner of "every ward." I didn't do that, but I do believe I have been blessed with the ability for public speaking, sharing our story and loving as I serve.

Cheryl talked about reading her Patriarchal Blessing and being reminded she had attained goals, seperate and apart from her husband.  It reminded her she needed to set new goals for herself.

Finding the Good that Exists in our Loved Ones.  In addition to seeking our gifts, it is important we recognize the gifts in our struggling loved one.  The things we focus on can largely determine how we feel about our loved ones.  It helps in all ways to see the potential in people, even those who have hurt us.  What helps you see the good in your loved one?  What difference does looking for the good make in your relationships?

I have heard from several women that when they found out about this addiction or that it has returned, they have been blessed with an overwhelming feeling of love that wasn't from them but from their Savior, Jesus Christ.  This love reminded them their loved one is a child of God.  If we can see and share with them the good things we see them being or doing, that positive view can give them hope and remind them of their divine nature.

Expressing Gratitude for the Savior and the Atonement.  The Savior is with us in good and bad times.  Isaiah 12:2, "God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation."  Another prophet from the Book of Mormon, Ammon states: "Behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.  Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold . . . we will praise his name forever."  (Alma 26:11-12)  "Our gratitude for the Savior inspires us to be a little better, love a little more, and become more like Christ."  (S&FSG)  How do you feel about the Savior?  How has His Atonement blessed you?

Cheryl shared she had lost a brother and with this loss, she just HAD to believe in the Savior and the enabling power of the Atonement, to just get through that experience.  Her husband was spiritually dead, lost and so far gone.  "The Savior brought him back to me!"  The Savior had overcome both physical and spiritual death and this gave her the courage to continue this journey with her husband.

Becca shared 2 Nephi 27:23, "For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith."  She bore testimony He is, indeed, a God of miracles.

Another sister stated the Atonement is infinite, real and present.

We know this life is for us to learn and grow and to make mistakes.  The Savior's Atonement makes this journey safe.

Most times, in the sharing portion of this principle, the women are moved to bare testimony of the Savior and the Atonement and it is an incredible spiritual and healing experience.

In closing, I want to share two quotes from President Uchtdorf's talk:

"True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony.  It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will."  (ibid.)  This statement pierced my heart.  I have had the experience of finding Marty had a pornography addiction and I also have had the experience of having a son who has made choices that differ from what I would have wanted him to choose.  Through those experiences, I have come to know these two men are beloved and blessed sons of God and I trust someday I will understand.

In January of last year, we lost our grandson, Owen Jason Day, after only 36 hours.  That was greater pain than anything I had experienced before.  Through all three of these experiences, I leaned on the enabling power of the Atonement.  President Uchtdorf tells us, " . . . the great plan of happiness; that through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, we can live forever with our loved ones; that in the end, we will have glorious, perfect, and immortal bodies, unburdened by sickness or disability; and that our tears of sadness and loss will be replaced with an abundance of happiness and joy, 'good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over.'" (ibid.)

Gratitude does make a difference.  As I walked through these trials, I have often felt my Savior's arms wrapped around me, carrying me and giving me strength.  Of this, I bear testimony.