7 -- In Everything Give Thanks

If you are curious about how a meeting works, I was involved in the women's meeting for the Spouse and Family Support Group Podcasts, and you can go to ARP.LDS.ORG and select Spouse and Family, select a Principle and then scroll to the bottom and click on Podcast.  Make sure you click on Women's Meeting.  That is the PASG side of this program.

Principle 7 -- In Everything Give Thanks

Overcoming Discouragement, Fear, and Anger.  I love this principle.  We all know that life doesn't turn out exactly the way we plan or even sometimes the way we would like it to be.  Oftentimes, this can lead us to self-criticism and finding fault with others.  The more we focus on negative thoughts and emotions, the stronger they become "until they begin to dominate our thoughts, diminishing our ability to feel the Spirit and find happiness."  (Spouse and Family Support Guide)  One way to counter this is to think about and acknowledge gratitude in the ways we are blessed.  So, how can we acknowledge our difficulties without being consumed by them?

Melissa stated when she is fearful or full of doubt, Satan really takes hold and can really cause her to cycle down.  One of the things she has learned to do is to create affirmations.  One of her affirmations is to sing the hymn "The Lord is my Light," which is all about overcoming fear.  The other is Helaman 5:12: "And now, my [daughter], remember, remember, that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build, they cannot fail."

Another sister, Cheryl said that she would think how she had lived her life righteously and trying to make the right decisions and her husband, as it turned out, had not.  It bred resentment in her towards her Heavenly Father and when you are in that place, you cannot see the blessings you are receiving.  Her thoughts then turned to Jesus Christ, the only perfect man to have walked this Earth, and He was someone who did not deserve all that happened to Him, and yet He endured and it helped her put her experience in perspective.

Becca talked about how a support person was very important to her because you CAN get stuck in the negativity and someone outside yourself can help you see that or offer a listening ear so that you can verbalize those negative thoughts and get rid of them.

It is also important to acknowledge that feeling these ways are valid and important to go through for healing but do not stay stuck in them.

One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Thessalonians 5:18:  "In every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."  The hook in that scripture is EVERY thing.  We need to learn to be grateful for the valleys, as well as the peaks.  As someone who struggles with depression, this seemed laughable; however, I have tried it a few times, and it seems to help me move through those feelings.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf counsels, "It is easy to be grateful for things when life seems to be going our way.  But what then of those times when what we wish for seems to be far out of reach?

"Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situations? . . . we focus on being thankful in our circumstances -- whatever they may be."  ("Grateful in Any Circumstance," Ensign or Liahona, May 2014, 70, 75-77).

Acknowledging the Hand of God  in our Lives.  It can be a struggle to see our blessings amid our challenges.  President Henry B. Eyring counsels:  "The key . . . is receiving the Holy Ghost as a companion.  It is the Holy Ghost who helps us see what God has done for us.  It is the Holy Ghost who can help [us] see what God has done. . . . Tonight and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions:  Did God send a message that was just for me?  Did I  see His hand in my life or the lives of my children?  I will do that.  And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need him."  ("O, Remember, Remember," Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2007, 68).

There are many tender mercies in our lives that may come in ways that are not readily identified, but as we stretch our minds and thoughts to recognize these blessings, we may be able to more readily identify blessings.  Gratitude can change our hearts.  How have you seen the hand of God in your life?  What helps you recognize the hand of God in your life?

President Thomas S. Monson states, "When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings.  However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given.  ("The Divine Gift of Gratitude," Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 87-90).

If you have an attitude of gratitude it can help you develop the ability to see God's hand in your life.

I love this analogy:  You are at a base camp in the mountains and you want to hike to a large boulder higher up.  You have hiked for over an hour and the boulder does not appear to be any closer.  You start to think you aren't making any progress; however, if you will stop where you are and turn around and look back to where your camp is, you can see you have made tremendous progress.  That is how this trial can seem.  You may feel you have not started to heal at all, but if you can look at where you were when it began, you will see the progress you have made.

Marty and I have done presentations to church groups for about 8 years now about this experience.  He shares his story of addiction and recovery and then I share the wife's experience with this addiction.  When we started, my talk was full of the pain and betrayal, my feelings of anger and disappointment in Marty and my marriage.  I have noticed in the last year or so, my desire to share that part of my experience, while necessary, is not the be all end all of my talk.  I shift my thoughts and feelings and experience to the healing part of my life and this new program of principles and hope.

Recognizing our own Gifts and Talents.  We all have some gifts and talents.  Some we are aware of and some yet to be discovered.  President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught, "You may think you don't have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us."  ("Happiness, Your Heritage," Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 119).  It takes time to discover and improve upon those gifts we have received.  What are some of your gifts and talents?  How does your patriarchal blessing help you identify your individual gifts and talents?

Becca wondered how this applied to this experience and she said the last sentence in this section ". . . but all of us have much to contribute through our God-given abilities", made her evaluate and see that is true.  She discovered she had grown and discovered spiritual gifts she had not fine tuned, or even accessed, but through this experience she now recognizes and uses those gifts.

Melissa loves to write.  During her dark times, Satan would convince her she didn't have time to write.  She did write and it felt wonderful to do something that brought her such joy and was hers alone, apart from this addiction.  So she found joy through her talents even through difficult times.

I remember when I discovered this and I was seeing an LDS Family Services Therapist, whom I love and still see occasionally to this day, and I told her I was not going to go through all of this and not have it mean something.  Over ten years ago, we didn't talk about pornography in the Church and I vowed I would help to bring this to the front burner of "every ward." I didn't do that, but I do believe I have been blessed with the ability for public speaking, sharing our story and loving as I serve.

Cheryl talked about reading her Patriarchal Blessing and being reminded she had attained goals, seperate and apart from her husband.  It reminded her she needed to set new goals for herself.

Finding the Good that Exists in our Loved Ones.  In addition to seeking our gifts, it is important we recognize the gifts in our struggling loved one.  The things we focus on can largely determine how we feel about our loved ones.  It helps in all ways to see the potential in people, even those who have hurt us.  What helps you see the good in your loved one?  What difference does looking for the good make in your relationships?

I have heard from several women that when they found out about this addiction or that it has returned, they have been blessed with an overwhelming feeling of love that wasn't from them but from their Savior, Jesus Christ.  This love reminded them their loved one is a child of God.  If we can see and share with them the good things we see them being or doing, that positive view can give them hope and remind them of their divine nature.

Expressing Gratitude for the Savior and the Atonement.  The Savior is with us in good and bad times.  Isaiah 12:2, "God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation."  Another prophet from the Book of Mormon, Ammon states: "Behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.  Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold . . . we will praise his name forever."  (Alma 26:11-12)  "Our gratitude for the Savior inspires us to be a little better, love a little more, and become more like Christ."  (S&FSG)  How do you feel about the Savior?  How has His Atonement blessed you?

Cheryl shared she had lost a brother and with this loss, she just HAD to believe in the Savior and the enabling power of the Atonement, to just get through that experience.  Her husband was spiritually dead, lost and so far gone.  "The Savior brought him back to me!"  The Savior had overcome both physical and spiritual death and this gave her the courage to continue this journey with her husband.

Becca shared 2 Nephi 27:23, "For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith."  She bore testimony He is, indeed, a God of miracles.

Another sister stated the Atonement is infinite, real and present.

We know this life is for us to learn and grow and to make mistakes.  The Savior's Atonement makes this journey safe.

Most times, in the sharing portion of this principle, the women are moved to bare testimony of the Savior and the Atonement and it is an incredible spiritual and healing experience.

In closing, I want to share two quotes from President Uchtdorf's talk:

"True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony.  It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will."  (ibid.)  This statement pierced my heart.  I have had the experience of finding Marty had a pornography addiction and I also have had the experience of having a son who has made choices that differ from what I would have wanted him to choose.  Through those experiences, I have come to know these two men are beloved and blessed sons of God and I trust someday I will understand.

In January of last year, we lost our grandson, Owen Jason Day, after only 36 hours.  That was greater pain than anything I had experienced before.  Through all three of these experiences, I leaned on the enabling power of the Atonement.  President Uchtdorf tells us, " . . . the great plan of happiness; that through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, we can live forever with our loved ones; that in the end, we will have glorious, perfect, and immortal bodies, unburdened by sickness or disability; and that our tears of sadness and loss will be replaced with an abundance of happiness and joy, 'good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over.'" (ibid.)

Gratitude does make a difference.  As I walked through these trials, I have often felt my Savior's arms wrapped around me, carrying me and giving me strength.  Of this, I bear testimony.