6 -- Bear One Another's Burdens

This week in our meeting we covered Principle 6 Bear One Another's Burdens.

As a wife of a man who is struggling with pornography or is in a full fledged addiction to pornography, this can be so devestating and personal.  There is a lot of shame associated with this addiction and its not something you want to share with everyone.  You might worry that people will judge your husband and then, by association, you.

Melissa stated that she needed someone to understand and the meetings are where she found that support.  One of the things that I had noted in my book is ASK!!!  It takes a lot of courage to share and ask for support so when you feel that prompting -- Do it!

We are cautioned to seek the right support.  Questions to be asked -- will this person support me, will they keep it confidential and also be non-judgmental, are they mature enough to handle this information?  Getting bad advice can cause you to stop seeking support.

We can go to our family, friends, Bishops, mentors, support groups or professional therapists.  It is important to remember, particularly with the lay people, they may not have any knowledge or understanding of what this addiction is about and you may need to help them learn.

A lot of times, our addicted loved ones cannot be there for us, because they are unequipped to handle their own feelings, let alone taking care of us.

When I found out about Marty's addiction, I'm not going to lie -- a part of me died.  My trust in our marriage, my self confidence, self-worth.  I didn't feel valued, loved, or appreciated by my husband.  What struck me is the person I should count on to be there for me, to stand between me and the world, was Marty and he couldn't be that person for me.  It was disappointing and heart wrenching.  I needed to get over my pride and shame, so that I could ask for help from my family and my Bishop.

This Principle reminded me of Step 2 in the ARP 12 Step manual is Hope.  We need to hang onto hope to help us remember that this is not the end.  Someone can recover from this addiction.  Step 6 refers to a new heart being placed within you and your loved one.

Our son left on his mission a couple of months before Discovery.  When he came home two years later, Marty had been in this program for a year and a half and Matt said he came home to a completely different dad and a more peaceful and happy home.  I do believe that I received a new heart once I was able to get over my anger and regain hope for Marty, myself and our marriage.

All of this in covered by the enabling power of the Atonement.  We cannot repay our Savior for all the Atonement encompasses but what can do is -- live a good life, share this experience and love with others who find themselves ensnared in this addiction.

"To whom do we look, in days of grief and disaster, for help and consolation? . . . They are men and women who have suffered, and out of their experience in suffering they bring forth the riches of their sympathy and condolences as a blessing to those now in need.  Could they do this had they not suffered themselves?"  Elder Orson F. Whitney

Next week -- Principle 7 -- In Everything Give Thanks