My oldest child

I don't know about other people, but I can admit that I was not a great mom for my oldest daughter.  I am not using her name because, right now, she is angry at me and will not talk with anyone in our family, so I feel like I need to honor that and not bust her out by her name.

I call my oldest my "experiment child."  I tried many things while parenting her and most of them were failures.  The first thing I realized is I was waaaayyyy too strict with her.  I controlled what she wore, what she did with her free time, everything.  I cut her hair in the first grade when she begged me not to, but I wanted to make it easier for me to deal with.  She was really a pretty good kid but the one way she could control something in her life and give a capital SCREW YOU to her parents was her grades in jr. high and high school.  At midterm, we would go in with her all F's report card and then for citizenship, she would have Honors.  All of her teachers would say, if she would just turn in her homework . . . then by the end of the term, she would pull all the grades up to mostly A's and a couple of B's.  That used to send me over the edge and she knew it.

I have apologized over the years and explained that when we knew better, we did better.  That has not been good enough.  I have wracked my brain and would love to know what I could say to her that would give her peace about her childhood.  She was not mistreated or abused.  I did work a lot when she was little but she was definitely the apple of our eyes.  Someday when she has processed her anger, maybe she can clue me in.

This experience has been very painful for all of us and I wish it was over.  All I can say is that I am still learning, but that I have always loved my children and would give my life for them if needed.