Supporting in Righteousness. It is natural for us to want to protect our loved ones when they make choices which result in severe consequences. We may try to protect them by repairing the damage ourselves or make restitution on their behalf. We need to learn to "be careful not to support them in their addiction or enable them to commit sin." (Spouse & Family Support Guide). By always rescuing them we can either delay or stop their recovery.
We are all accountable for our actions and we cannot remove that accountability. "Only by repentance and obedience to the commandments can our loved ones be healed, receive forgiveness for their mistakes, and stand uprightly before the Lord." (S&FSG). What is the difference between supporting your loved ones in their recovery and hindering their recovery? Why is it important for your loved ones to be accountable for their actions?
Cheryl said she knew exactly what her husband should be doing and felt like if he would do what she knew he needed to do, he would be all good. In time, she learned that she could not presume to know what was at the core of his addiction. He needed to come to the Savior on his own. She had to step back and let him take over his own recovery. It needed to come due to his efforts.
Lena talked about the time her husband came home from his support meeting and he knelt by her bed and told her he could not go any further in recovery without her.
One thing we learned is that you can choose the behavior but you cannot choose the consequence.
Giving Our Support and Encouragement. Our loved ones may feel broken, defective and unworthy of God's love and will face many trials in recovery. They need hope and reassurance that they are worth the required effort. Our role is to love and support them in their recovery. We can assure them that the Savior and their efforts can lead them to recovery. "When we are compassionate, and strive to understand the shame or despair our loved ones may feel and consider all the efforts they are making. We 'bear one another's burdens, . . . mourn with those that mourn; . . . and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.'" (S&FSG). Being compassionate does not mean we support their poor choices or excuse their behavior. What is the role of compassion in supporting your loved one? How can you express your compassion?
Valerie says when she is in a place to hear what the Lord wants and she prays to see her husband as a son of God, she is able to be more compassionate. She knows that she is forgiven over and over and feels she should be able to forgive.
Cheryl said she was able to see how broken her husband was and recognize his pain and she learned to be more compassionate. She wants and needs mercy. She does not want to be one that tries to exact justice on others.
Jude 21-22 says, "Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
"And of some have compassion making a difference:"
Continue to Minister. Our loved ones may not want or be ready for our support. They may resent or reject our efforts to help. We can feel frustrated and discouraged when we watch our loved ones continue in addiction, but we can love them and pray for them. Elder Robert D. Hales said "that a family member's 'faith, prayers, and efforts will be consecrated to the good of their [loved one].'" (With All the Feeling of a Tender Parent," Ensign or Liahona, May 2004, 88). Even if our loved ones choose not to get better, we know that our prayers in their behalf are heard by our Heavenly Father. How can you respond to a loved one who does not seem ready or willing to accept your support?
We should not respond with shame and anger. We can pray for them and know that our prayers are being heard by a loving Heavenly Father.
Valerie says when she consecrates her life for good, fasts and prays for her husband and submit her will, she always receives an answer. Her Heavenly Father loves her husband more than she ever could love him.
Serving Others. Service can provide relief from our situation which may seem hopeless. We can't serve everyone and we should be careful and not run faster than our strength, but even simple acts can "bless and encourage others -- and lift our own spirits." (S&FSG). We know that "when we are in the service of our fellow beings, we are only in the service of our God." (Mosiah 2:17). How has serving others help you bear your own challenges and struggles? What opportunities to serve do you have? How does the Spirit guide you in your efforts to serve?
For me, this calling as a missionary has been an incredible instrument to help me look up and outward to others. One of my favorite quotes is "I can't help everyone with everything everywhere but I can help someone with something somewhere." There is a joy that comes from service. I feel that I am more capable now to help others with greater capacity for love and understanding. Newton's Law talks about equal but opposite and we will be restored with equal yet opposite feelings of joy because we have suffered great sorrow.
Ann states service helps her look outward.
Melissa talks about how this particular trial has taught her empathy. Not just for this particular issue, but anyone who is hurting and it has given her the opportunity to offer empathy to others. She also believes coming to the Spouse and Family Support Meeting is an act of service and I totally agree.
Sharing. Valerie talks about people Heavenly Father put into her life. In the dark times, someone would come along to help her turn toward the Savior.
Star shares about her reading on covenants. In a contract, each partner gives 50 percent. In a covenant, partners each give 100 percent. When she got married, she found it wasn't exactly what she wanted or expected and if her marriage had been a contract, it would have been easy to tear up and throw away. However, she was married in the Temple and had made a covenant which creates a deeper bond and commitment.
Melissa said it was difficult to come to meeting tonight, but as soon as she got here, she felt the Spirit and she was so grateful she came. In these meetings, everything is more -- pain, hurt, love, forgiveness and all of it leads to needed healing. The Savior is here and when she doesn't get to come, she yearns to be here. There is such a sisterhood and she feels close to the Savior because He is near and here with us.
We need to build and strengthen our faith. In the song, "As Sisters In Zion," the errand of angels is given to women." Ours is a work of love. We should build our relationships with love and without judgment.
In Numbers 6:24-27, it says: "The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:
"The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
"The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.
"And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them."
I bear testimony if we will do our part to have the Spirit in our home, Heavenly Father will guide us and angels will assist us. Like in 2 Kings Chapter 6 and Elisha is going to battle against a great army. His service said to Elisha, "Alas, my master! how shall we do?" (Vs. 15).
"And he answered, Fear not for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. (Vs. 16).
"And Elisha prayed, and said, 'Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see.' And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha." (Vs. 17).
Angels surround us and bear us up when necessary to fight this battle against pornography. We must fight so we will not have anymore "lost" generations to this pernicious evil.
No comments:
Post a Comment