Good Better Best

For the last six years, I have attended a meeting on Sunday night at Woods Cross Seminary for wives of men who are addicted to pornography.  This is called PASG (Pornography Addiction Support Group).  About four months ago, they started a program for family members called "Healing through Christ" for which I was able to be the missionary.

When I walked into that meeting six years ago last August, I was the walking wounded.  I was hurt, angry, scared, sad, without hope, abandoned (okay, I could go on, but I think you get the picture).  That group saved my life that night.  Listening to women who had been through what I had been through and they were laughing and smiling and expressing hope about their future.  It was enough to stop my slide and for me to start trying to pick up the pieces.

At some point, I was asked to be a facilitator.  A facilitator is someone who is working the steps and is doing pretty well and shares their thoughts and successes with the group.  In July of 2008, Marty and I became the missionaries for that group.  What a wonderful and humbling experience that has been.  I was thinking about how many women I have come in contact with through this group.  Some were there when I started, but eventually stopped coming as they healed.  Others would come once and decide it wasn't for them.  Some that come and stay for a couple of years and are still attending.  Each one left something for me, some impression on my soul, some thought they verbalized that has stayed with me.

Last night, I had to say goodbye to them as their missionary.  This was a long and difficult process to come to that decision, but I am very at peace with it.  Nic is a sophomore and 2 and 1/2 years away from leaving on his mission and Marty and I feel it is very important for us to spend this time with him.

Being a missionary for these women came with lots of love for them, compassion and worry.  I spent a lot of hours praying for them and thinking about what each of them were going through.  I hope, now, I can still be aware and pray, but some of that heaviness will leave.

I sat in the room with 25 of my dear sisters and friends.  So much healing is happening within this group.  There is still a lot of pain, and will continue to have pain, but the reality of our Savior's love manifests itself every week in that room where healing takes place.  As these women share their experience, hope, love, anger, joy and so many other emotions, it seems that someone in that room needed to hear what another sister may say.

I love these women and will miss the opportunity to serve them.  However, they are my friends and I will always be there for them.  I think they know that.  So Sunday nights are now mine.  The decision between good, better and best had to made even if a large part of me feels like being a missionary was the best, another part recognizes being a mom to Nic is really the best.